Everything with a pinch of salt and some sugar!

Man’s affinity with pain is corollary to his fascination with life. If he could quantify pain, he’d put the highest bid on his own surpassing everyone else’s place in the cosmos. May be pain is the substratum on which every emotion grows uncontrolled, forming overlapping dendritic patterns  with a pinch of salt and some sugar.

I’ve have often written, time is forgiving for it passes. This too shall pass.

 As we walk into a new day after every day taking one step at a time, we add some more colours to the beauty of our being; while we’re busy doing that some colours from the past lose themselves to the bright rays of the sun. They don’t fade away completely as we often mistake them to be; they settle down like stardust in one numb corner of our heart and the pile grows lest we sit down to sort them in quest of a closure. Time heals all wounds; no, time only gives us the opportunity to learn to live with our scars.

Wounds: the physical ones are easy to heal. A broken bone can be joined using plaster of Paris how will you plaster a broken heart? The world is cruel, it has always been. When Charles Darwin wrote- survival of the fittest, he meant that. If you’re ready to fall into a dark pit full of mud they’ll throw you and it happens to all of us; at some point we give too much privilege to people to break our trust.

 We struggle to stay sane in an absolutely insane world. Some of us find a plank to float, some sink like the Titanic.

The sinking ship of life: If you smile too much and laugh hard on your jokes, you are a wagon of laughter in the melancholic lives of people around you. They grow closer to you assuming you repel sadness. So, when that dark pit full of mud pulls you inside like the witch from fairy tales, in a span of few months you change, they’d ask if you’ve been dieting but they dare not look into your eyes for eyes speak too.

 In the darkest hour of the night a sweet pain penetrates into the heart via the vein carrying good blood. The heart with its rhythmic lub dub functions as usual but the pain intensifies becoming gut wrenching with every devastating thought. The feeling of not being good enough, dejection, failure, hopelessness and loneliness weighs the rational thoughts down and by dawn you have cried to sleep.

There’s a world beyond VIBGYOR that soaks in the mushiness of over-thinking, intense pain and emptiness; a world too dark for the light to enter and too difficult for the world to fathom.

You gasp for breath; you screech for help; people come; they see; they don’t help; you drown; you lose; they lose you.

Ironical! People always emphasis on reaching out and talking about problems that pervade the mind but being human is so tough! We binge up on ego unknowingly pumping air into a flat tyre; refusing to acknowledge we need help and we need to help as well.

 We push our own people away ultimately confiding in the wrong ones out of sheer desperation; feeling more vulnerable with weight of their ignorance. We blame them for not being there. They were never there to begin the end!

The universe will not tend to you the apologies that you should have gotten but it can give you the power to embrace life as it comes with a deep sense of becoming.

 You are not a small island on a big world map that people cannot find which means you’re not lost. People live in a tiny bubble of overpowering knowledge but truth is layered; it needs patience, seldom found in our generation.

 People hit rock bottom as they strive for the greatest flight. Ambition and the anguish emanating out of its un-fulfilment are closely interrelated. This lethal mix can throw people off balance pressurising them to contemplate a horrifying end.

Anybody who is exposed to the circus of worldly affairs feels the pangs of stress and sadness as side-effects.

Failing is okay, falling is okay. Feeling too much is also okay given you are willing to make pain the substratum for love, hope and happiness to grow un-apologetically. Don’t run high on ego. Know your well-wishers; keep them close so they can catch you amidst your big fall.

At the end of the day when the world fails you, you run into the safe haven of your loved ones.

 The universe is always signalling; you must prepare yourself to comprehend its subtleties.

I don’t know what battles people are fighting; I hope they win and then live on to celebrate their win because amidst the towering chaos we need to remember- life is beautiful.

Signing off

Srishti

The autumn in being human!

As mankind grapples with systemic atrocities round the globe; it feels humanity is stuck in a violent whirlpool.

Life isn’t a dream because if it was, I wouldn’t have had my heart broken. I would not have to think of it as an opportunity cost that was once a part of my Economics curriculum.

 I grew up in a protective environment; shielded by unbound love and mutual respect. Narcissism like a wish granting genie was locked up tight in a bottle that never saw the sun. The helm of my life was in safe hands, so much safe that I don’t remember ramming into the giant iceberg of anger or sailing against the strong waves of unhappiness.

Moving away from home was hard but not as hard as life would unfold in the years ahead. I first tasted the bitter broth of human emotions when I came face to face with inflated ego. Uttering a simple word of apology can choke people to death was a new lesson learnt.

The people you pulled out of a pit full of mud will pull you down on regaining their hold over ground. They won’t acknowledge your help or appreciate your generosity; they will grab every opportunity of belittling you and when they do that, you will understand ⸻every one you meet can’t be a friend. Kindness is a virtue but being kind all the time can rip your conscience apart.

Human beings are innately selfish. They manifest selfishness through their game of casual proximity. As excitement fades out and further intimacy looks wary they resort to the easiest course of action; Ignorance.

 Ignorance is a coward person’s tactic to narrowly escape the responsibility of the damages they bring upon other person. To have such people out of your life is as good as getting rid of a skunk in the backyard.

 The wrong in the world is so dominant that you’d exhaust yourself into bringing change because human tendency is an intricate web of complex behaviour patterns. The education that has forced upon a sense of privilege to our existence fails every time man misbehaves.

If life is a story, I’ll mark happiness as the most crucial lesson. Everything we do, we do to multiply it.

 Our happiness is our responsibility and we must learn to shoulder it for the sake of our well-being but let us abstain from sadism. Let us teach our children to not derive happiness out of somebody’s brutal fall. Let us inculcate a better sense of being and plant more seeds of joy than growing bigger on hate.

Signing off

Srishti

Pineapples upside down

Pineapples upside down

 April was never a month of dwindling hope but March had prepared us well. We thought May would usher us into light like the sunbeam but look at its audacity; it walked past flamboyantly like an ignorant Ex, unbothered by the past indicating June will be overcast.

March 2020: the world started going into economic and social hibernation as the state agencies announced a pandemic. Our social glossary underwent modifications to include social distance, lock down, quarantine etc and hence started the fight with sanitizer as the sword and face mask as the safeguard.

In the fight with an unknown virus most of us have dealt (still dealing) with the demon trying to hover over our families, friends, neighbourhood and bank balances. We became animals that burrow for safety entrapped by the intelligence of human mind.

The two months that could have swept away in a blink of an eye were enough to introspect on a wide array of things that we thought we had gotten over the moment we befriended adulthood.

Firstly, life’s calculator is the biggest deceiver. You bought an expensive planner in January to jot down a schedule for today and may be tomorrow and definitely day after because that’s when you forget. An invisible virus bombarded the scene and life went down the hill on wheels of the same planner. You have least control over the natural trajectory of life but controlling your reactions and accepting and forgiving life every single day is a choice only you can make.

Secondly, home is not just a mix of concrete, mortar, wood and iron in definite proportions. It’s the only place in this big universe you’d run into when the world fails you.

Family isn’t about blood tying bonds and confirming to norms you think are outdated. It’s the safe haven that has kept you alive even when you thought you don’t deserve to see the sun rising again. If infinity has a centre then please consider⸻ it is your family.

Thirdly, human mind is the epicentre of creation. There isn’t a thing in this world that a man can’t learn. Most of us did what we deemed impossible; for starters we cooked from the scratch and hence I concede my affair with Pizza is over because I have realised it is the easiest thing to make.

Lastly, misery has no end. Poor people are dying so are the rich. Some have the comfort of a house they think is too tiny some are homeless. If there is no virus there are floods, cyclones, and earthquake. Nature has spared none and kindness is quintessential for humanity to stay.

We always wanted time to do things we loved. Now that we were granted what we asked for, most of us spent it doing nothing; not understanding everything in life is temporary even time⸻ it will pass.

2020 was supposed to be a great year but it isn’t. While we can’t blame it for the losses we can stop bickering about what it could have been. Being hopeful is a wonderful way to drive through rocky terrains and if there is a failure, the possibility of which should frighten you, it should be the loss of hope.

When a pineapple upside down cake is taken out of the oven it looks like any ordinary vanilla cake. It’s when someone places it upside down on the plate, you see the moist pineapples smeared in their juice and caramelized sugar slowly seeping into the cake maze. That’s exactly how our life is layered- with a little of everything.

p.s: pic courtesy google

Signing off

Srishti

my heart is a garden of bougainvilleas

My heart is a garden of bougainvilleas

Climbing onto the sloping roof over the little window and the iron gates in shades of purple pink white and magenta, the bougainvilleas spread like water colours on a white canvass inside my heart.

 I have seen its inflorescence sealed in the photographs of lovers and wondered, who crowned the rose as the king of hearts?

 A rose, significantly the red one confirms to the fantasy of loving. Its fragrance lingers on for long, like new love and velvet like soft petals mix mushiness into blood. Nobody cares about the thorns. It’s only when lovers bare their soul to each other that thorns start to pierce their bare bodies.

Unfazed by the majestic roses the bougainvillea scrambles over the geraniums in an odd fashion like a dystopian man walking an empty road  under the influence of alcohol, drawing world’s map with his faltering steps. Aloof of the carnations around, it grows uncontrolled like joy. It has no fragrance yet it beatifies every place its vines reach. The petals are like the paper the kites are made of⸻ light like a bird’s feather liberated in the infinities of the sky. The thin woody thorns prick if ignored but pierces only if misunderstood as if falling into the temptations of life.

In its complete bloom bougainvilleas bear semblance with life, hence I write⸻

My heart is a garden of bougainvilleas where feelings flow as freely as good blood. The shades of purple pink white and magenta resemble love, kindness, tranquility and compassion. The thorns symbolise remorse that shall continue to guide me through narrow rills if in case I find myself in another garden among other flowers.

In a world so full of fantasies I want my figment of imagination to stay; I don’t wish to personify roses and add to my ordinariness, I want to write about the garden of bougainvilleas for that is where my heart belongs.

signing off

srishti

butterflies!

What should I write about love that has not been written before?

That it is the rainbow of feelings which compels the heart to go LA…LA…LA!

That it is all about sacrifices because you push back certain individual choices for mutual happiness.

Departed intellectual souls left behind a legacy of romantic personifications and metaphors describing love. A handsome Romeo serenading a beautiful Juliet and this world evolved believing in fiction more than accepting glaring truths.

 May be that’s why we imagine love to be the most beautiful thing. Our callousness peeks from the small crevices of the unknown when this imagination falls flat. We become sceptical about what’s considered socially unacceptable thereby enclosing love in a water tight compartment.

Love is so overused; it overwhelms in its various forms.

A few years into a relationship, love settles down. No, not like the dust on unused piece of furniture in a locked room but more like a bird that after flying miles together with its flock returns home.

Love doesn’t wander for too long; when it finds a home it settles down. Like a volatile component, romance evaporates first. Holding hands doesn’t ignite the fire it used to. Desires no longer generate the impulsive streak as they did in their newest stage; patience prevails as people become predictable. When you dare to unclothe your soul to someone; your bare body becomes the temple of love. Lust finds itself padlocked in some far off land and eyes don’t behold coyness; they speak with clear intent.

Lovers often borrow the lyrics of ‘love me like you do’ (Ellie Goulding) to surrender to a love they think is extraordinary. In ordinary parlance love is the most regular emotion. Therefore I prefer to use the lyrics of ‘photograph ‘ ( Ed Sheeran) for its comforting like loose boyfriend denims in summer or like the simple meals that make up lunch and dinner every day.

And just like photographs I will preserve memories of the rainbow in a well-decorated box. I will open it sometimes, may be under the moonlit sky; in the serenity of solitude when we hold hands, gently, unlike before as to symbolise a promise of a happy tomorrow.

 Probably then we’ll realise love never fades away, it only changes its form of expression as it grows old. Some would want to arrest it as the advanced stage of loving; some will understand it is companionship.

Signing off

Srishti

P.s: picture courtesy: Google.

questionnaire

Opinions are the outcome of our convenient affinity with binaries. You know, the good and bad, the right and wrong, the black and white, the hell and heaven etcetera.

Sometimes I wonder; who differentiated the right from wrong and on what basis? if that what is right is true then why is truth not universal? is midpoint theorem important for geometry only? what about the middle path? why are people divided on two extreme opinions?

We were taught the same moral lessons laced with Honesty, helping others, sharing and loving then how did your religion become more ethical than mine? Why are you so particular about being right that you turn a blind eye to my righteousness?

Hell and heaven are mere concepts. Nobody knows if there is hell and if it is there then how far does it match our imagination? It’s an idea that emanates from prejudice. It’s good if it serves the interest, its jeopardy when it doesn’t.

Man has always been his own master no matter how close he claims he is to the lord. He builds his life with the choices he makes. He also establishes himself in the best possible way to suit his people’s well-being. Therefore while he cannot change what is inherent; he always has the choice to decide the values he would want to colour his life with.

You can get bluntly rude in defense of what you consider is right or choose to be more respectful to varying perceptions. To be kind has always been a matter of choice.

To hell with the lofty propositions of going to the heaven; if you can’t help someone who’s constantly knocking your door for help there is no point chanting and counting the beads of rosary.  If you’re constantly judging people and thrusting your opinions on them; in what parlance is it right to deprive someone of their happiness?

Stop telling people what to wear on what occasion. Stop reinforcing black is beautiful, a good person sees the heart not the skin and a petty person will never believe you.

 If we can drift away from these socially validated ideas of ‘this is right and that is wrong’; and invest our energy in doing what needs to be done, we can pass on a happier world to our coming generations.

Only if we can see the world with our own eyes and not through the conditioned glasses of the society we’d be able to accept people, uplift them and feed our realm with love. We’d gradually lose the sadistic trait of judging people that don’t adhere to opinions favorable to us and that will open the gates for tranquility, gratitude and peace.

You become what you think; I think thinking good should be a part of our curriculum.

Signing off

Srishti

the Everest of expectations; inside head!

William Shakespeare wrote, ’Expectation is the root of all heartache’ some 400 years ago. Since then we have seen nascent capitalism grow into crony capitalism superseding not only the economics but also the social fabric of the countries in the world. Everyday a change knocks at our door and we accept it with open arms leaving behind a subject matter of history for the coming generations.

Human habits and behaviour patterns haven’t undergone any change, so to say the previous era was better than this age of downfall is simply sugar coating the truth or may be idealizing the past. Expectations like any other emotion, penetrates deep into the skin like a splinter that continues to give sweet pain until someone squeezes it out.

The larger question that lingers on is, ‘why do we expect knowing it can hurt?’

Expectation is the essence of any relationship. It is the most tempting condiment that adds flavour to the broth of love. The feeling of belonging is deeply felt when a string of expectations follow because love as they say is a two way road. Wherever there is intimacy there will be expectations and there is no running away from them.

However, it starts to hurt when it becomes a pursuit to happiness. It’s when we burden the back of our favourite people with what we want without paying heed to their needs; we feed fodder to unviable expectations, building a mud hill out of it. If I tell my companion to eat my favourite chocolate mousse when he’s craving for his favourite vanilla ice-cream and I force him into eating it, thinking Love is giving! Is it a rightful expectation?  Will it not hurt? How much sacrifice should I expect from my partner when I am not ready to forgo the smallest of my needs?

The only way to escape the collapse of any relationship is to expect more from our own selves. To expect rightfully from the right people at the right time is what we need to inculcate like any other good habit. Lastly, if you’re expecting too much from someone please understand they’re expecting a lot from you too. Your neighbour will rush to your help only when you rush to their help when they need it the most.

Love only brings people together; reciprocation is the mortar that binds them.

Signing off

Srishti

Un-caged!

The cumulus cloud last evening had lightening inside them, in a relatively clear sky.

It was a subtle reminder⸻ emotions have the supreme power to suffocate a human heart.

Nature is a school of learning in its own way. The poets use it as metaphor to write about turbulence around them; the scientists draw a comparative analysis of it to study human evolution.

It’s like getting into the shoes of Anne Frank, even if we don’t fit in. Emotion, any, is an invisible cage. A person doesn’t know how strong the bars are unless they feel the inner urge to break free.

Or if they are shackles too good to live with⸻ I don’t know.

Anger is one such underestimated emotion. Every sagacious person would advise; ‘don’t allow feelings to consume you’ and it true, to an extent but no one talks (voluntarily) about expressing anger in its full fledged form so it subsides rather than piling up. People hush away anger; they try to brush it off as if it doesn’t exist, as if it is but an imp trying to steal their bread.

Any person not scared of showing their uglier side of emotions is often tagged; eccentric, unclub-able. Such form of rejections I do not understand. Anger is the most honest emotion because I have seen best people fake Love!

In the words of Dr Jehangir ‘Jug” Khan (Dear Zindagi)- ‘rona, gussa, nafrat, kuch bhi khul kar nahi express karne diya. Ab pyaar kaise express karein?’

I want to tell everybody it is absolutely normal to feel rage flow down into every vein of your body. It’s okay to feel the heat of your blood boiling. What we need really is, to be taught to teach further to express anger harmlessly because cloud burst often results in floods, destruction, and devastation; a human heart is no different. Don’t pile up angst lest you will rile yourself. Grind it with ear-splitting noise and let go!

Take care

Signing off

Srishti

The artist is the creator of beautiful things. To reveal art and conceal the artist is art’s aim. The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things.

A page from my diary

The country at the time is reeling under immense pressure in every form and fashion. There is so much on my mind that I want to write about⸻ terrorism, patriotism, nationalism, feminism, nepotism, but I choose none but my-self in order to de-clutter my beautiful mind yet keep a record of my feelings. Not before forwarding the disclaimer that this is a random blog post, most probably published under the category of reverberations of a meandering life hence should not be confused with a piece of fiction.

Meandering, to me is flowing freely in search of the self, not being lost but inebriated in a different world. I am not seeking validation here; it’s absolutely fine to find satisfaction in self defining terms. Life isn’t physics where most things are governed by a logically derived law, nor is it history that has to be inferred from the past. Life is as it happens.

Talking about life, you dream it, it’s beautiful; you live it, and it’s beautiful. In the spaces between dreaming and living ,it looks unfulfilling, incomplete and at times tumultuous. What got into my head to write about it and then to share it in public glare is my disillusionment with life and the people that form a part of it. You may scrutinize me as an unsuccessful candidate that slogs year after year, to find the name in a list that changes every year, but if you look through my perspective I am a winner. I have succeeded in killing most of my demons, I have battled failure without allowing it to force me to contemplate any self-harming action and I am still facing many with more vigour without letting the thought of ‘quitting’ sneak into my mind.

My father always says, people wait for hard work to culminate into a fully furnished life to decide if you are a success, no body appreciates the process of how you become what you become, so don’t expect appreciation from them while you’re still in the process of making a life. I realise how much true these words of wisdom have turned out to be and that people are not only the neighbours and friends but also family comprising aunts, uncles and cousins.

So when people question my sincerity towards fulfilling my responsibilities or tell me I write difficult language, I wonder what made them think life is easy and then I understand how they grew in life. My vocabulary isn’t difficult, their ability to comprehend is. Literature isn’t about reading a cheap novel that offers sexual excitement; it is more about reading in between the lines because writers delve into the depths of the unknown, the vocabulary they use is instrumental only in substantiating one larger thought. Explaining this to peripheral people in quest of words to relate to is like forcing a physicist to perform Angioplasty because they know the underlying principle of near infrared spectroscopy (an imaging tool used by cardiologists).

Criticism is healthy if it comes from people who have won over odds to be where they are, but when it comes from individuals who have lived a parasitic life it only erodes the mental peace. It is fairly easy to question someone’s integrity, it gets difficult when the same ball lands in your court and you think of excuses to escape rather than accepting and admitting to your mistakes.

People play an important role in shaping our lives. We carry in us every person we meet through their thoughts and habits that we choose to adapt. Hence company matters. It is true that every person walks into our life with some pre-destined purpose. It is either to teach us something or to be taught something by us. It is also true that people emit energy which can be positive or negative and the extent of their influence is determined by us.

A friend called me up several weeks ago to catch up but I wasn’t in the best of my mood so I started talking about disappointments. The phone call got disconnected for some reason and she never bothered to call back again. We all do this; we cite busy schedules to avoid returning call of a person who seems distressed but come international mental health day, the pledge to fight against depression resonates with massive intensity.

However, I learnt that day that though compassion is the virtue that builds our value system stronger, we cannot expect compassion from everyone; also we shouldn’t feel compassionate for everyone. People, either genuine or in-genuine, have a habit of dumping their emotional trash on people who lend them ear, while the former walks away freely the latter feels the burden of it. It’s not my problem if you’re not happy or you failed or your partner dumped you or your family isn’t supportive therefore even though it hurt I didn’t allow angst to pile up against the friend mentioned above because she wasn’t responsible for what I felt, I was. She could have helped me, definitely, but that’s another thing.

Thereafter, I prefer drawing more concentric circles so as to maintain quality in terms of the people I want to surround. In case you feel I don’t stay in touch. Read again.

We are an ungrateful bunch of humans living off the vulnerability of being proclaimed great. I tried reasoning out with my parents once while we were circling around the city at night that they don’t boast about us (me and my sister). I was a debater in school, I have won prizes, I sing I dance I write I read and I am fairly good in studies, but they refuse to acknowledge it at any social gathering like other parents do. They told us only one thing ⸻ let the world decide if you’re truly valuable as a human and otherwise because we’re all very beautiful in our own eyes.

I think what they do is right. Children are not an investment that would generate profits after retirement nor are they the epitome of good parenting skills; you can teach them to live as per contemporary standards of living but you cannot change their DNA. It is better to give them wings to fly and not load them with expectations unbound yet stay humble throughout. Also, assumptions help in explaining an economic theory not in determining the intelligence level of people because people have an affinity for wrong presumptions. It is important to understand, Intelligence is variable and numbers are inconsequential. Getting a ninety percent in board exams is a result of hard work, it isn’t the only determinant of the IQ level and I am saying this because I secured ninety one percent in the year 2007 (for people still doubting). Intelligent people not only talk intelligent but also think intelligently.

While we claim to be right all the time, we must have the patience to understand; the other person cannot always be wrong. Talking about distinguishing the right from the wrong, our moral science lessons are on point and subtlety is just a misnomer to cover up in case we are proved wrong. We are just biased because convenience is preferred over discomfort. We are ethically correct if it is convenient and rub the wrong off the shoulder in case it brings discomfort. Initiating the chain of blaming others for any loss due our convenient thinking is a tiny bit of the whole concept of being right. This game of manipulations, convenience and being right has gotten my heart into believing that respect is just about touching feet and folding hands. We are shameless with words we choose to talk about someone and we’re highly ignorant because god doesn’t reside in clean courtyards but a clean heart. Coming back to being great, talking doesn’t cook rice! Leave it for the world to decide.

Marriage is the most important ‘event’ in everyone’s life because as an institution it is wearing out. People in the most un-fruitful marriage ask me ‘when are you getting married?’ I tell them, ‘take down my date of birth, place of birth and time of birth, go seek help of an astrologer and believe him because he is a poor scientist, relatively unknown to the big bang theory’. Now that Stephen Hawking is dead we do not have any one of prominence questioning the relationship between the movement of the stars and our fate’s alignment to it. So feel free, you are a democratic republic.

I do not feel exasperated by marriage related questions, I know the people who talk behind my back. You will find it difficult to interpret but I’d continue anyway. Marriage is not just a social obligation that needs a stamp from the judiciary, nor is quintessential need of having a life partner a reason good enough to support it. Marriage in India doesn’t involve the bride and the bridegroom only, marriage is intermingling of two families who may share nothing in common. Till the time I don’t feel my state of mind is stable enough to adopt as well adapt the necessary changes that marriage brings I wouldn’t get into it. I have seen families struggle with absurd demands, extrapolated expectations and rigidity against change that ultimately crumbles down the otherwise strong family tree. It sounds sad, looks distressing.  Hence it is better to be late than to be sorry later. If your idea of being married doesn’t suit mine try washing your dirty laundry it might help.

It is not in our will to estimate anybody’s worth. I think we all feel disillusioned because we have been deceived by people who were supposed to love us, we have been hurt by people who were responsible for protecting us and we have been belittled by people who did nothing for us. We are not the outcome of what we do; we are also the outcome of what one does to us. Distancing the self from pretentious relations is just one step towards complete disenchantment from shallowness or one step forward to building a beautiful life.

The thing is no matter how confident we are about not letting people affect our mental peace, we are all emotional weaklings. We melt when we are not supposed to and we forgive because blood is thicker than water. But, what if in a family unfiltered mudslinging and smearing become pervasive? What does one do if kindness is perceived as weakness? what direction must our mind think in so as to not let double-faced people harm us in the name of love?

Out in the savage world seeking answers to these reverberating questions we learn to shut ourselves from such people, resurfacing to oblivion from time to time because relations have to be maintained and before anyone asks ‘Aur Batao’, we meander into our own little world closing the door behind us for anyone who doesn’t help us grow.

P.S: live and let live.

signing off

Srishti

Flamingos that fly in February

Come February and the bug of love infests the world like ‘what if tomorrow never comes.’ P.G.Wodehouse’s Jeeves in the springtime comes back to life as if high school happened yesterday.

let love thrive in you

As soon as you read these two sentences, you’d feel disappointed if you belong to the category of people madly deeply in love or you’d rejoice in this modern euphemism if you aren’t. The ones who are in love albeit sanity intact wouldn’t bother reading at all; all’s good anyway, lets harp a little on love these days.

The first, what compelled me to write some odd five hundred words on love when so much has already been written? It’s because I have mugged up the time table for valentine’s week which was deftly put up outside a flower shop starting with the rose day . Second of all, I feel slightly alienated by the eccentric behaviour that people manifest when they find their special one. Madness due love has risen exponentially love as a raw emotion still seems to be rare.

We love to stalk the social media account of actors. We have a penchant for imitating their dress sense, poses, attitude, angle of pout etc. What we don’t realize is we aren’t actors, professionally at least. We are ordinary people who judge and are being judged in return if not appreciated, also to live while constantly fearing judgement is losing on to life. All ordinary people are omnipresent on internet . Amidst the ordinary there are various kinds of people, some are ingenious, they do what their heart says and once you learn to follow the heart you enslave the fear of being judged. It’s also called getting comfortable in your skin. Then there are people who’re mediocre, they don’t take inspiration to follow their heart but they get inspired to impersonate the people they admire which includes actors though in a discreet fashion. The recent overhaul of beauty bloggers/vloggers is just one phenomenon to explain this point and this is also where the problem of faking and following the herd originates.

My knowledge is kind of outpouring like hot molten lava cake and I will pour it out because there is only an outlet to flush out. The structure of the earth is quite amazing; we think there’re hard solid substances underneath the ground which is true .The state of things are solid but as we dig deep into the Earth, the Earth radiates its own enigma. When we reach the innermost layer called outer core the matter is found in liquid state while the most inner most layer called the inner core is solid again. With a steadfast hard ground under the feet we assumed it to be solid throughout; this is how love mostly is perceived to be⸻ an assumption. We don’t think about love like the outer core. Do we?


As soon as the valentine’s week ushers in, the till now hibernated couples married/ unmarried, mature/immature, early twenties/ early thirties start coming out of their cozy warm beds, one after the other and each one reverberating ‘ it’s time’ to celebrate the materialism that we ourselves have associated with love. They talk about it through quotes, pictures, and trending challenges on the internet without understanding the depth of their virtual plunge. Their perception of love is too narrow for the wise lights to reach that the lovely people madly in love curse love for being too painful when they hit reality. My advice to them; take a paracetamol tablet and go off to sleep because you won’t ever get cured . Continue buying dead roses or dresses or make-up or trips to exquisite places for some rupees and gift it to the girlfriend or wife; make her virtual space happy by making her social media look aesthetically pleasing with superficial posts like that of actors that flaunt expensive dresses barely covering a body built on protein shakes and cardio. These Couples don’t click selfies of them yelling at each other or write paragraphs on the difference of opinions between them but a kiss in Maldives is a must, the catch is not to show love but the art of love making on a picturesque island that mostly offers visa on arrival, and the relatives back home wonder why love marriages were a taboo when they were marriageable!

The thing with genuineness is that at any point it doesn’t intersect the clandestine idea of having a life. Your husband is your husband for next seven cycles of birth because this is what you were told when you took circles of the holy fire holding his hand. Calling him ‘hubby’ wouldn’t transform him into a Greek god and saving wife’s number as ‘wife’ or ‘wifey’ is no assurance that she wouldn’t run away from the parents- in-law. Call them by any name Jaanu or Raamu they will look good and stay put only if they get love and respect in abundance.

Another ferocious adventure with love is People choosing unethical means to fulfill short term desires lending unnecessary popularity to casual dating and letting love sound so needy and desperate. Sex is not a primary need so not are any form of physical touch. If you wish to spend your life with the one you love you need to make your relationship your strength. Self-control requires strength of its own kind. Sneaking out at night, piling up heaps of lies and misusing funds for a pleasure that will resonate guilt in the long term isn’t the right love that should be chased. Lovers are never looked upon with disgust, lusty people definitely are!

It is very rare to watch real love stories culminate into good marriages because true love blooms in private and only if it is nurtured well. The number of years is not a parameter for a love story to graduate to be evergreen, it is about the amount of ups and downs that people go through together with the strong will to hold on to each other come what may. Roses or hearts or kisses do not symbolize love. True love is when two souls unite in some metaphysical world above and beyond the proficiency of any poet to describe their union. Love needs to be felt. There’s no scope for showing off, neither places nor gifts because there is no better abode than someone’s heart and there’s no gift more precious than the companionship of someone you love.

I am not sadistic about celebrating love but if love has to be celebrated, celebrate it in its entirety which quintessentially requires acceptance- of likes, preferences, desires, dreams, decisions . Acceptance without compromising mutual respect. If you keep yourself above the person you say you love, you’re just basking in a fool’s paradise. Save that money for a better future, trust me because even a lipstick comes with an expiry date.

P: S: Be kind. Be grateful. Be thoughtful.

Signing off
Srishti.

Let the shadows fall behind

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There is no such thing as perpetual tranquillity of mind while we live here; because life itself is but motion, and can never be without desire, or without fear, no more than without sense – Thomas Hobbes.

The wise 17th century counterparts of Hobbes might have died opinionated of him as a harsh idiomatic man, inferring, as humans we tend to believe all is good and all will be good. Little had they pondered over that history is the story of unfavourable heroes, the idealists lay dead under celebrated graves and continue to enlighten with a long epitaph they’d never know who wrote. Hobbes was right, man is individualistic he builds up a society to conceal his darker anatomy of thoughts and lives in it to guide his generations cloning them socially. Towards the end of the second decade of life I have had umpteen face offs with my own belief, my own functional self and I have come to realise I am not the only one. We are all genuinely nice people unless provoked to behave obnoxiously. This fundamental understanding of being human has made life easy as it passes each day. People stay the same only their emotional composition undergoes a change.I don’t know how to articulate it better, should I use heavy adjectives or should I praise my creed for turning me this way but I understand change is the only constant. If I get to use a metaphor to describe people who utter sugar-coated words in an unrelenting pursuit of appeasement but are often unwilling to extend a helping hand⸻ it would be that of a river at the edge of a large stretch of land; a river that hallucinate to bring out the desire to dive, the river that is frozen found only after you hit your back on it. Life if you can visualise in graphics is a maze. A maze of relationships and emotions and feelings and desires and expectations and the people who cross it at various crossroads are mere threads helping you to connect with your ultimate destination.

October 10 every year is dedicated as world’s mental health day. As people are coming out of oblivion ( thank the strongly prevailing social media )they have started to share their thoughts on mental health, and how we need to help mankind just like how we must cater to saving environment and eventually our own selves. As idealists we repeat the words of great sages implicitly signifying the sayings of our holy books, the individualistic truth perhaps is, we are selfish we don’t work for humanity we work to be called great!   ( exceptional humans always soar higher than a bloke) people who have no respiratory problem can still sniff the polluted air thinking breathing is a natural phenomenon so they spend lofty amounts of money on crackers. People with no mental health issue are better off providing lip service quite similar to the one that the 4G data providers provide. Yes, the PayTm doesn’t always work. Same is the thing with some of us. We boast so much about so many things that when we fail to manifest we become so miserable that we don’t shy away from showing our dark side. We expect, just to add more intensity, we expect a lot, from our parents, our children, our siblings, our relatives, our friends, our neighbours even our pets. We expect our wonderful pet dog of the exclusive breed to hold up their bowel pressure till we complete 8 hours of beauty sleep. We take them out leashed and still lurching violently because let’s admit, they poop right outside the neighbour’s yard on most mornings, we get so used to it that it stops embarrassing us unless our integrity gets questioned by the neighbour. We don’t make an effort to reach out to a friend but we get accosted by the ego of them not having made any effort to call, there are also some who make all efforts; unfortunately their friends think it’s okay to not answer and the best lie that shines brighter in the day is ‘ I was busy’. I belong to the latter category and I have made peace with it because I am happy to realise I wouldn’t have to waste wedding invites. The blue tick and last seen on whatsapp has ruined mental peace time and again and time doesn’t heal. Life is not a ROmCOM. The mind accepts and commands the heart to move on. The pestering questions find peace eternally, and answers that were desperately needed dissipate like dew drops once the sun shines again and with such an advancement few persons become history no longer to be found in contemporary period.

I do not understand why we have a strong affinity with complex equations when the option to solve any problem linearly is available in plenty. People think it’s convenient to ignore than to revert. The harbingers of sanity do not preach ‘truth hurts’, then where do they get the idea that ignorance is better than revealing true feelings. Are these people real friends or well wishers or they are mere opportunists who desire to make the most of any person living or dead for their profits? And can life be estimated as percentage of loss or profit? I don’t think so. It is easy to conspicuously follow the herd and still get liked for being the one, Instagram filters do not discriminate after all. We’ve shared meals, we’ve exchanged class notes; we’ve confided in each other, we still behold our secrets, and we still occupy a place we wish we could force each other to vacate but we know each other no longer!
Sometimes because some people find ‘theirs truly’ after a long battle against their own  sins they feel it is okay to get rid of any person XYZ who they think possesses a mild power to shatter them, so they block phone numbers, they start curtailing their friends list on social media, they stop appreciating and reciprocating but why don’t they stop expecting? They still expect to be understood and respected for their irrational mindset, and sometimes you have to become a soldier on foot to save your soul from getting tarnished. You ought to throw some people out of your life because you understand they’re imposters not worthy of being called friends or family. Some people don’t allow anyone to peep into their life because its “private” but…but…but,they do have the audacity to peel the skin of others layer by layer to find out what’s with them. Hilarious! Some desire undue attention of people they surround themselves with, they want to be called and asked about periodically. They want people to heal them by listening to them,by supporting them. They are also the same people who have a reason for everything they don’t do. They forget apparently because they are consumed by their own self to such extents that someone will disappear from right in front of them and they wouldn’t know. Such humans never get the opportunity to remorse because regret weighs heavier. Some people have all my pity; they are the ones who slam trust under the garb of love. If you are a relative and you are reading this, before you start gossip mongering about any kid in your family other than your own,understand, ’ you are spitting venom on your own name because irrespective of age; sex; upbringing and thinking; the blood remains the same’. Do not expect respect and love and a sense of belonging from any member you’ve shamed just to gratify your existential superiority. In case you stand at the receiving end move away gracefully. If love is supreme, true love stands above it for true love accompanies true respect.

This world is nothing but a big circus and we are all here to entertain. I didn’t wish to bring in Shakespeare and his ‘all worlds’s a stage and we’re all players playing our roles’ (As you like it) so I made up a newer version. The epiphany I have observed is; in any relationship respect is the most important. You have to respect yourself and also the other person to strike a balance between colours in VIBGYOR and monochrome. An individual that fails to respect your feelings or efforts isn’t worth the privilege of being allowed to occupy a space no matter how small in your heart. A friend who cannot appreciate your choices and has double standards with their own isn’t needed because you don’t ordinarily wear expired lipsticks. Relatives confirm to the same blood (not its type in literal sense); you can’t choose them but if their invasive habits are jeopardising your growth feel free to distance yourself from such forces. You are under no obligation to make sense to everyone all the time. We are all passengers not necessarily heading in the same direction having said this we must have an overwhelming sense of gratitude towards people who help us and have been consistent with their love for us. We desire silhouettes to come to life not realising raw is so beautiful.

Coming back to metaphors, sometimes people can be like a frozen river;dead on arrival! So, mourn the dead and move on. You cannot hold on to every person because the population is too large and every one demands a fair chance. Allow them the opportunity to be better while you thrive for betterment yourself.
P.S: Again, I am under no obligation to make sense to anyone. You do not appreciate my existence; I find a dignified way to exit.

Signing off
Srishti.

Approaching thirty; Amused but not married

 

single-woman-quotes-the-indian-feed-3 [picture courtesy: Google]

Women empowerment is the new centrifugal force under the scope of development these days. All government schemes, flagship programmes, civil society associations, women rights group centre around how women can establish their footing in the society that has evolved along the lines of modern patriarchy. The rampant growth around empowerment has partially changed the way the society looks at a woman but my point is different I don’t want to emphasis upon empowerment either financial or political. I consider a woman as a HOMO SAPIEN¹ with basic human rights including the development of the attitude to decide when to marry, whom to marry.

As a woman approaches thirty, alarms are set off around her. ‘Get married! Why aren’t you getting married? Are you seeing someone? She is rejecting boys as if she is beautiful like a fairy!, Arey unki beti ki umar ho gayi par shadi nahi hui, maa baap ko chinta nahi hai ladki ki [their daughter has attained the marriageable age but the parents don’t seem to bother]’. To ignite the match in a room full of fireworks you have relatives, the same people who offered to change your poopy diaper with love without haste. I don’t wish to sound rude, if I do then of course your demeanour may be wrong but let’s accept plainly, relatives are the people you can’t ignore but definitely avoid. These sugar candies taste sweet at first but as you dig deep you realise the sweetness diminishing subtly turning into something sour something bitter just like vinegar. Also, I may be wrong but any gossip[news to be courteous] concerning you as you walk through the lanes and by lanes of marriageable age travels faster than sound; in case you disagree kindly share your picture with your best friend of the opposite gender on a social media account with relatives adorning your friend list, you will spare yourself the delusion of being right.

When you fail at avoiding your beautiful ‘WE are ONE’ extended family tree; aware, you are no more the little kid with chubby cheeks they adored but a grown up adult who is immature and irresponsible [to them] you just resign to an encumbering submission. Your aunt will ask you; do you have someone special in your life? You will with alacrity shrug off their conviction because even if you have someone you will dare not spill the beans before them the least you can do to be the topic of gossip in family circle. To counter your smirk some other aunt or uncle will enquire about that friend on facebook who tags you in every possible feed oblivious to being stalked as a prospective groom, “acha ladka hai uske bare mein soch sakti ho” [he’s a nice boy, you can think about him]. The conventions of a pseudo progressive society corrupt a much coherent mental ecosystem with its expired notions. Why does marriage cloud one’s entire state of being as they near the third decade of their existence? Why do people who otherwise never indulge in deep conversation with you decide the list of eligible men you must seek in order to settle down? Is settling down synonymous to marriage?
Why should you be forced to think about someone or something that your conscious mind doesn’t approve of at that moment or in that phase of life?

I read Soha Ali Khan’s book [The Perils of being moderately famous] the only thing I liked about it was her thoughts on being in a relationship, to articulate it much better a sensible understanding of the most important element in marriage. To conclude, marriage is not about compromises, adjustments, settling down or having your own family. Marriage is a lifelong companionship and you certainly can’t be a companion to someone who has been forced to enter your life or someone who pushes you to take decisions suitable to them. It isn’t about shedding off clothes to find comfort in sitting together naked, it is about the comfort of exposing your naked soul because believe you me, with a superior mind functioning on dynamism we are capable of concealing the truth yet be truthful in our relations with a strong sense of earnestness. It is easy to be forced into a bad marriage and accept humiliation as a meagre part of it; the difficulty is in accepting differences that emerge in a marriage and deciding thereafter to rise above them. When you do yourself this favour none of your match makers aka relatives will come out to support you, since you are a girl it must be your mistake. Short story made long— follow your heart, get married when you feel it is appropriate not because your friends are getting married , some of your relatives are growing old with restricted locomotion, or simply because its time. Don’t believe marriage is convenience or a rehabilitation programme that can set your life straight; you are looking for a partner not a parent. Don’t fall into the trap of conventional social system that empowers because the political manifesto says it must. The Janani suraksha yojana and the extended maternal leave are here to stay. Wait even if it’s hard on your reproductive age because magic happens if you believe in it. Seek companionship, love is available in plenty. It’s your life not a subject of social research or a lab where your peripheral relatives must conduct their groom hunting experiments.

Love yourself. Empower yourself. Everything else will follow.

signing off
SRISHTI

¹: primate species to which modern human beings belong.

Toast to the last Goodbye

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                 We have tended very strongly to a bad habit which is, taking everything for granted, even people. You won’t get a glass of water unless you screech enough for your mom to listen to get you one. You find your father boring and old fashioned, you take down his words of wisdom as a lecture, making it a matter of your ego. You probably have a child you would never try to understand, you will continue to force your “soch” on him thinking he would never go astray that way. You fight with your siblings over a bar of chocolate, clothes and your all’s respective spouses when you grow up. You don’t talk to your friends everyday most of them only adorn your friend list on various accounts. You Gossip about people in your family and neighbourhood, sometime, to the extent of maligning their intentions thus their character. You don’t refrain from blurting out a single word of hate for those who are real to you, irrespective of  the age bracket that person falls in.You shout at that lady who is expected to tidy up your house, for being late. You would throw away all of what is cooked, if it fails to satisfy your taste buds.

Why am I contributing to this heap of senseless words?

Imagine, what if this was the last time someone fought with you? Or the last time someone called you?  The last opportunity to meet someone? The last of everything? What would you do? The person you meet every day will perish one day. Your parents won’t be around at every stage of your life, your spouse will leave your hand to embark upon a journey only heard but never known. Your sibling won’t always argue much. The friend whose calls annoy you will also stop one day. Your ignorance and ill words will bury themselves in guilt that will cloud your heart, giving you minor jabs every now and then. Your dilapidated eyes will search in earnestness but you will never find them. Your apologies and regret will start to consume you, evoking a strong pain that has no medication.

This post, my first on word press is not a mere observation. It is a gentle reminder of how fragile life is, and how brutally ignorant we are about it. Few days ago, my whatsapp which ordinarily lies dormant got a new rush to activism, I must concede I would never like it to embrace such activism again. A wonderful lady whom I had known since I was a child, who taught me how to write a cheque, succumbed to cancer at an age I pray no one does. I spent the entire night thinking about everything she might have left behind. The arranged masala boxes and crockery in her kitchen. The neatly folded bed sheets stacked somewhere in the cupboard, those dust laden corners and a grieving family of which she was the anchor. I remembered my closest friend’s mother, who passed away two years ago and my inability to stand by her in that hour of crisis. My procrastinating behaviour that deterred me from speaking with my ailing grandmother one last time.My eyes had just gotten moist when I recalled how seriously ill my own mother had been some ten years ago. The doctor say it is a miracle, she came back to life. An uncanny fear ran down my spine when I thought… “what if?” scary, isn’t it?

                     I had a friend, no ex friend (they exist) visit me this week. This person was the best thing I had until I realized this feeling was not mutual. I was blamed for incidents not under my control, I was accused of being a manipulator, a sadist (trust me, I was!). I faced it, I fought it- all alone. This person left me in a room full of people ogling at me, and came down crashing when I said, dude! I exist no more. Why am I spilling the beans? Because, I might never see this person again. There are a lot of fishes in the sea, so are humans in this world but I will never find this person and this person will never find me. We both have our share of regrets, and questions we will never find answers to, all because we refused to oblige each other, thinking, we still have time.

                   I have relatives who candy coat words when they sit right beside me and derive content from out of context ” humour” I suffice our conversations with.  For instance, if I tell them” I don’t like karela”, they will put their hand in my hair and stroke it with love and care but behind my back my statement would be distorted to fit into a convenient framework to convince everyone else that ” I don’t know what karela is.” Some are so obsessed with me that,a decade after passing out of school my board result has continued to be a topic of discussion . Misrepresentation of facts is a trait of dysfunctional families? Yeah! They are real. I am oblivious to them, they are ignorant of me. In a way we maintain the beauty of our relationship without quibbling much. Am I trying to disrespect my own extended family? Hell! No. I am building up the pyramid of isolation. We only “exist” for each other. Our lives never coincide. My grief does not bother them their concerns don’t affect me. In times to come I will have a husband to love they will have a bunch of grandchildren to caress.  Life will go on but with  some oblivion.

Like an imperfect normal human being I m apprehensive about accepting my negatives, irrespective of who they come from. I have my own inhibitions, and I do not find myself adjusting to the norms of a regular world. I would be counted as one of the most glorified failures of this decade ,who acquired knowledge to never put to use. This society is harsh, it loves and hates as per the socially constructed preferences and likes. We appreciate good work only after it has manifested good results. If you don’t agree with me, ask people if they knew Ms Harmanpreet kaur before she scored a century against Australia in the knock out stage of the woman’s world cup 2017. They who have support- thrive, those who don’t -die. I fought a battle with myself after failures appalled me, it is difficult to come out of your cocoon and face an eager world, ready to pounce on you like hungry cats. If my parents had failed to support me through the rough time, you never know, I would not have been alive to write what I am writing. How I wish we could glorify failure like we celebrate success even if it comes in the kindergarten.  This society would have weighed more on morality and “acche din” not merely a concept depicted figuratively in the economic survey of the country.

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Life is fragile and uncertain but it is not about life. It is about the people you wish to have in it. Stop whatever it is that is causing you to drift away, make amends, apologise before being bogged down by ego. Ask when answers you give to yourself bring discontent to your soul. Reach out when it gets difficult to swim alone. Whatsapp messages are meant to corrupt the RAM of your smart phone, get real and build relationships that can be bottled for ages just like wine, the older the better. Everything is ephemeral or NASHWAR, it will all come to an end.  Every relationship is not meant to be, there will always be heartaches, life will get difficult around some souls, you will not get along with everyone the fate conspires to meet, there will be lessons that time will teach. Whatever it may be, just make sure the end is graceful and remorse free. Life might not give you the last chance to hug, or talk or even say good bye to the best thing that ever happened to you.

p.s: picture courtesy Google.

Signing off

Srishti.

the falling tower of forgiveness

Forgiving is an act of great courage, that it is the trait of brave hearts.

I fail to understand; how does forgiving become an act of courage?

Is it because we kill a tiny winy piece of our conscience when we forgive? Or is it because we exercise control over our heart and go against it? Or because we have normalized accepting everything as hunky-dory?

Forgive and forget; another misnomer!

How can you forget what changed your perception? And forgive someone who left you stranded on an empty road with your soul clad in opaque clothes?

Or forgive someone who doesn’t feel apologetic about concocting a character charring story around you and then spreads it like wild fire when confronted; diminishing you to zero or even minus in the least of your knowledge.

Or forgive a friend who in the name of friendship and platonic intimacy tries to scoop out your flesh to their advantage.

You simply cannot forgive let alone forgetting such people.

We meet so many people in just half of our lifespan and most of them change so much in us that for the remaining life we see the world wearing different glasses, albeit thicker ones! Not necessarily always in bad light.

There can’t be forgiveness for a mistake committed knowingly exactly like how sometimes the most powerful sorry is intrinsically meaningless. It’s never about people, places or incidents in the first place. It is about how you feel or were made to feel about any of them. I am sorry to concede, but getting an arrow straight in the middle of your heart hurts real bad. Too bad to ever be forgiven; though I know that god forgives us but the truth is we’re no god. As humans we learn to live with scars and when it doesn’t hurt anymore, it takes an odd shape but never fades away completely.

If you can apologise to my dented soul and undo the scar that hurts when scratched; I will consider equating forgiving with courage but since you’re as much human as I am, we will live with our scars and beatify it in time but we won’t forgive or forget it.

Signing off

Srishti

Hitting thirty like twenty!

Hitting thirty; the new twenty!

Three with a zero is a big number ask any kinder garden child and they’ll tell you. While, most of the counterparts who’ve hit thirty before I are sceptical about ageing so soon, I am satisfied at least and feeling jocund about the second decade of life coming to an end yet I am not too old to have accumulated experiences that will last a lifetime, for I will be picking more as I grow; nevertheless there are certain aspects that are more lucid now, and I am sure these will stay till I can breathe naturally.

FAMILY:

 Every fortunate human is born into a family. There are so many people to take care of you, to love you, to rock you to sleep and clean your mess and more. These by far are the most glorious years of one’s life. Once you get over the teen age, the question of survival pops up. The long empty roads light up on some days; most of the journey however, is covered in the dark when people sleep with lights being switched off. The only people who stay awake to lift you, motivate you and support you when you fall in a pot hole are your parents. Your parents resist and protect you from the same people you hitherto thought were family as they start comparing your intelligence with that of your father or assessing how amiable your mother has groomed you to be. People have their own catharsis; some go through it silently some roar like a wounded tiger! I write. People change not only in terms of their way of life but also in thinking, letting you understand the true implication of ‘change is the only constant’.

 Similar to the diminishing marginal utility theory in economics there is a diminishing marginal proximity in relationships. Over these ten years my relationship with my kith and kin has undergone a massive change. I am not as close to them as I always believed to be. Some watch me with the prism of a loathing relative refuting anything and everything in me that is strongly embedded in my DNA (that they disagree with); while some have stopped considering me as the child they once held albeit happily. I discharge my obligation of giving them respect extending it to even elders who don’t deserve any for goodness sake.

Family isn’t an extension of paternal and maternal sides. Family isn’t everyone you know, family is the niche where you grow and it’s your prime responsibility to keep this niche clean. Parents, their abode, their love and care are all you need for a good life.

FRIENDS:

 As you grow your circle gets smaller and then you draw multiple concentric circles each overlapping the other. Venn diagram has some significance! Each one of us has a different trajectory of growth. Our paths may intersect at a crossroad but not every intersection means union of thoughts or ideas. A doctor cannot be friends with every patient.

You learn who your friends are when life hits ebb. The magnitude of waves ordinarily increases as it reaches the shore but only few touch it, the rest retreat un-mindfully. Some people are like waves; their true intentions emerge only after you stop being advantageous to them. Sometimes, it’s also important to learn the basics of human complexities. The agony aunt you run into might not be fit to confide in. Crucial personal information travels through tiny holes only. I have met people who under the garb of friendship derive gossip aimed not at entertainment but maligning the character. As important it is to save our souls from an imp of the opposite gender it is also important to protect ourselves from fiend of the same gender.

 Having sounded like a trumpet of cynicism I am grateful for the friend who has generously, selflessly and tirelessly enhanced my evolution as a human so much so that I am capable of finding beauty in any ludicrous situation.

‘If one rose can be my garden; one friend my world’.

SIBLING:

 I am possessive, protective and petulant with respect to my sibling by virtue of me being delivered first.  Over these years we both have grown up to be two individual selves who agree on various levels but disagree mostly on the periphery. We aren’t alike in anything⸻ she likes fish I don’t. I eat corn she doesn’t. I am short tempered she explodes after she feels she has piled up enough. She is calm and I am chaotic. Since we’re the branches of the same tree, we are nurtured alike. While friends seem distant and friendships have gibed badly in the heart I have grown closer to my sibling. The feeling of being valued and loved unconditionally is so overwhelming.

‘In a world so bleak; amongst people fake and meek

She is my northern lights, rare and wild’.

LOVE AND MARRIAGE:

Love is the most beautiful emotion in this world that happens without issuing a statutory warning. In its unadulterated form love is dark and dingy. It is full of impossibilities and is exhausting on most fronts. Despite being all that love triumphs and looks beautiful only because people make it look that way.  

The more connected we assume ourselves to be, the distance between us is expanding. People sell bullshit at hundred percent profits and call it love! It’s shameful how this beautiful emotion has been portrayed as an investment, for instance if the girlfriend is angry, order clothes, shoes, and everything material at a cheap price and make her feel valued, not one time but every time an argument ensues on the same topic. Discussion rules out because shopping is an easier method to please. Disagreement is a part of individuality unfortunately most people lose themselves in the process of being loved.

The truth is⸻ we are a progressive society, we function adeptly through technology. The purchasing power has increased manifold, the propensity to consume has grown exponentially and conspicuous lifestyle has progressed geometrically. All things remaining constant, love still is dark. Love stories are in bulk but every story isn’t enchanting thus I say true love remains scarce.

Marriage is a glaring reality. Oh my god! Thirty and unmarried?

I have witnessed people fall in love, fall out in love, some grow in love some are doomed for life. Some use it as convenience and some fall for it because it doesn’t demand a fixed premium like one in an insurance policy. Very few grow out of the shallowness of a human mind to love someone, without conditions, materialism, and the social trend of showing it off. True lovers stay connected despite the distance with no strong urge to talk incessantly over the phone or use unethical ways of sneaking to spend ‘quality time’. Love isn’t about selfish pursuits anyway.

Some petty love stories graduate to attain ultimate nirvana of a relationship i.e. Marriage. It looks rosy only till they’re done uploading all honeymoon pictures, post this period it becomes a life struggle. Most struggles end with detachment, either from the spouse or the parents resulting in a victory no one wishes to celebrate. All in all marriage isn’t just a commitment to keep an institution lubricated; it is above and beyond the pressure of societal elements. It is the willingness to accept the other as more significant in health, sickness and also in disagreements. Husband and wife build a support system that withstands vagaries of nature, family disputes, health problems, financial instability with a sense of acceptance. People are responsible for themselves; playing the game of passing the blame is an excuse to evade that responsibility.

Love and marriage isn’t about drowning in the softness of rose petals, it is walking over thorns ‘together’. Don’t advise me to not marry because you don’t understand marriage, don’t even pester me with marriage related questions. There are no rules for a happy life and maturity has got nothing to do with numbers. I shall get married after I have chased my dreams and when the time is right.

HATE AND DISLIKE:

   To be gregarious is a profound quality of the character but it isn’t favourable every time with everyone. Friends in my life are in minority; I have picked up more foes on my way, can’t say if it is a myth, an assumption or a truth I am well aware of but it exists. As you age you learn to put faith in certain principles and values. I have utmost respect for people that value their commitment I am in absolute awe of humility and a simplicity that doesn’t require a narrative. Show don’t tell!  Therefore, I have abandoned friendships that were jeopardizing my self-respect belittling me in ways I do not identify with. I also chose to walk out of relationships that were exaggeratedly tumultuous.  As you read to acquire qualifications quintessential for growth you opt for rationality that helps in bettering you as an individual. In doing so, I have garnered ogling eyes that can otherwise pierce through the heart and ignored looks of them close to the people I left behind in life.

If you ever get an opportunity to choose between your happiness and someone that thrives on your happiness, I hope you choose the former. An empty tea pot needs to filled in order to pour tea in a saucer cup.

 The few friends I count on to catch me when I am falling backwards with broken wings are my valuable treasure along with the little family of which I am the centre along with my sibling.

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Life has been a roller coaster ride. I have profound memories of a blessed childhood that I can turn into a bestselling book.  I have and I still am evolving through books I read, the experiences with people and of people. I am slightly less congenial about extended familial bonds but I manage just like science students manage BOHR’s law. I am more tolerant of love where people pretend to have a chemistry good enough to produce something lucrative and refrain at the same time from indulging in such pretentious relations. I have learnt the art of let go, I am learning the art of veiling despondency I feel around trivial people. I like solitude but I am not unhappy like Wordsworth’s ‘solitary reaper’ also I shall be looking for a clip to tie my tongue so I stay mum around people I don’t comply with.

Thirty is the new twenty and I only have gratitude for people who love me and have stuck around despite differences. Thank you.

Signing off

SRishti.